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The kids

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My kids have learned to read—in fact they love reading. It’s very exciting. But it seems like everything they read is junk! I really want my kids to be exposed to quality children’s literature. There just doesn’t seem to be enough of it out there. Almost everything at the bookstore is either inane or obnoxious. What can I do?

Why, you can grab a tote bag and your kids and GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY, where there are thousands of easy books and readers hand-selected by picky librarians, better children’s nonfiction than you’ll find at any bookstore, and much more.

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Keeping Kids Quiet (Without Benadryl)

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I’m the mother of a toddler, and all of these excursions to Chuck E. Cheese™ are getting expensive. If only there were some way to entertain my child for a few hours while I got some work done.

You and your child can participate in “storytime” if you would both just GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

- Submitted by Kirby M.

24
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Family Time

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It’s so hard to find an activity that the entire family can enjoy. If only there was some place free where adults and children can find something of interest while spending time together as a family.

You’re in luck! You and your whole family should GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

- Submitted by Royogini

25
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Flood & Facebook Fiasco

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It’s the 5th day since we had that huge East coast snow/rainstorm that I have no power at my house. I wish there were a place that I could go to access the Internet so that I can catch up on every detail of my Facebook friends’ lives, since my iPhone is now dead.

All libraries have Internet stations and wireless connections so you can access all your favorite sites (well, maybe not the dirty ones), so why don’t you GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY?

1
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Non-Naked Lunch

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I want to apply for jobs but I don’t know any good sites and the newspapers are only hiring strippers and call girls and those professions are against my delicate nature.

A librarian can help you find good job sites that don’t require you to get naked on the first interview if you GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

-Submitted by Jazmin I.

19
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Local Rentals

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When Netflix™ announced they were going to increase their costs I rage deleted my account. Oh how I wish there was a local service like Redbox™ or Blockbuster™ that didn’t charge those exorbitant fees!

Well, cinephile, you can rent movies for free, and all you need to do is GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

- Submitted by Racine O.

16
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Simple Steps to Avoid “Ugly American” Tag

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My boss is sending me to Spain on business and I don’t even know if they have flush toilets.

You can learn about the hygiene, culture, food and habits of Spain and many other countries, if you would just GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

- Submitted by Mary T.

26
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The kids

Read full article | 2 Comments

My kids have learned to read—in fact they love reading. It’s very exciting. But it seems like everything they read is junk! I really want my kids to be exposed to quality children’s literature. There just doesn’t seem to be enough of it out there. Almost everything at the bookstore is either inane or obnoxious. What can I do?

Why, you can grab a tote bag and your kids and GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY, where there are thousands of easy books and readers hand-selected by picky librarians, better children’s nonfiction than you’ll find at any bookstore, and much more.

20
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Democracy

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I wish there was some way that I could express my opinion for a certain political candidate using the power of democracy.

It’s called voting, and if you’re interested, you should GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

3
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Customer Service

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I’m looking for a positive customer service experience that involves diverse, educated, friendly, informed, thorough, thoughtful, and dedicated staff.

You’ll find such a thing if you GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

- Submitted by Ryan G, a former library worker

18
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Internet Service

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Oh no, my internet is out because I didn’t pay the bill or my neighbors moved, and I was stealing their unsecured internet. How am I supposed to update my status on Facebook™ now?

One idea would be to GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

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But Where Can We Go To Complain?

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My new activist/support/other group is really growing but we can’t afford to rent a room and Starbucks™ is too small and crowded.

You can reserve meeting space if you would just GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

-Submitted by Le Anne

50
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It’s a Magazine. You’ve Probably Never Heard of It.

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I want to read through back editions of Vice magazine (you’ve probably never heard of it), but I can’t buy them any more!

You’ll find both current and back issues of all kinds of magazines if you GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

- Submitted by Rick S.

9
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Amazon

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I sure wish I didn’t have to buy all these books on Amazon™. They’re really expensive and all I make are the tips from my job as a barista at Starbucks™. What should I do?

Some people suggest that you should GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

1
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My empire is crumbling

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I feel that my country is on the decline, largely because nobody feels it’s their duty to work for the public good anymore, even elected officials. What can I do to shake this sinking feeling?

To be surrounded by people who still work every day helping children grow up curious and bright and helping ordinary citizens expand their horizons, all you need to do is GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

5
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Helping Find Skeletons, Since Forever

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I’m really getting into researching my family history, but it’s sometimes hard to find records, and so many websites cost money just to search and you don’t know if the result you get is your ancestor until you pay. I wish there was a place where I could learn about the types of records that are available and have access to some records.

There are books, magazines and databases that will help you start your family tree, locate records, organize your research and more, and all you need to do is GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

-Submitted by Zaelia (Library Technician)

14
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Cunning Linguist

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I want to learn another language, but I can’t afford that fancy software, and I don’t know where to get books or magazines that aren’t in English.

You can find software, magazines, and books in many languages, all for free, if only you’d GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

- Submitted by Kathy D, library advocate.

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Dinosaurs

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I am frazzled. My kid is doing a project on dinosaurs and the cashier/barista/information person at the local chain bookstore gave me a patronizing look when I asked to see books on dinosaurs that haven’t been discovered yet.

A librarian will help you find what you’re really after, without patronizing you, if you GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

- Submitted by Bryan C.

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Nearly Disease-Free Social Interaction

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I’m a single woman in a new city. I’d like to meet people by volunteering, but I don’t want to work at a free clinic. Where could I go to meet lots of different people in a clean, safe environment and affect their lives in a positive way?

You’d be surprised at how many normal, not-creepy people you can meet if you would just GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

-Submitted by Amy P.

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Farm the Homeless

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My teacher asked me to do some volunteering with the homeless of our community and write a report about my experiences, but I Googled for a “homeless guy message board”, and there wasn’t a single one! How am I supposed to locate a homeless guy to talk with?

You will find droves of articulate and interested homeless who hold themselves to a presentable level of personal hygiene if you simply GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

-Submitted by Eric G.

12
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Down with Reading Tariffs

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This Wired™ article had a science article linked, and I want to read it but the publisher’s site says I need a subscription. Single view is $50! How can I read this?

School attendance is almost never required for entry or reading articles online/in the stacks, just checking them out, so GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY!

-Submitted by Nb41

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I’m looking for a book …

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I’m looking for a book my friend reccommended. Its about cooking and she said its 641.597 SEI. What the hell does that mean?

This is a Dewey Decimal Call number. If you just GTFTTL, and ask for it, they can point you in the right direction very easily. If its not there, you can place a hold (reserve) it and get an email when it arrives.

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Catering to People who Hate Food

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I’m hosting the family reunion. My sister-in-law eats only vegan gluten-free foods, and my uncle is strictly low-carb. How can I figure out how to feed everyone?

You can spend hours trying to find what you’re looking for on the web, or, there are cookbooks for every kind of diet available for checkout if you’d GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

- Submitted by Naomi Y.

12
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Job Hunting for Dummies

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I’m looking for and I’ve never had to do this before and I don’t know how to write a resume. I Googled for “how to find a job” but there are so many hits I don’t know what to believe.

You are not the only person in this position, and if you GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY, the helpful librarian can lead you to an entire section of employment-related books and materials, many specific to your geographic area.

-Submitted by Andy L.

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Movie Rental

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It would be great if there was something like Netflix™, but for books!

There is! You should GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

173
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Book Search

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I’m looking for a book about THIS big, oh, and red. I think it has a man on the cover and the main character is a writer or something.

Someone would be happy to help you find that if you would simply GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.

- Submitted by @bannedlibrary

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