I really want to enter my favorite radio station’s contests, but you have to do it on the computer and I don’t know how to use the mousy thingy or anything. How could I find someone to loan me a computer and show me how it works so I can win my trip to that concert?
You could use a computer and even find someone to show you how to move a mouse and what button to click and where to type your radio station’s name if you would GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
Cindy S, Librarian
I’m looking for a book about THIS big, oh, and red. I think it has a man on the cover and the main character is a writer or something.
Someone would be happy to help you find that if you would simply GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
I need something to keep the kids quiet on long car rides. I dont have a fancy in-car tv, and they don’t play hand held games. They just kick eachother, bicker and I can’t concentrate on my driving.
If you just GO THE FUCK TO YOUR LIBRARY they will be able to offer you a huge selection of kid’s audiobooks, sing-alongs and maybe even a colouring in activity pack. You’ll never know until you go.
I want to read Snooki’s new book, Confessions of a Guidette, but I’m afraid of being judged for buying it. How can I get access to this great literary masterpiece?
Librarians don’t judge you, and once you return the book, no one will ever know you took it out. Thus, it seems your best option would be to GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
My kids have learned to read—in fact they love reading. It’s very exciting. But it seems like everything they read is junk! I really want my kids to be exposed to quality children’s literature. There just doesn’t seem to be enough of it out there. Almost everything at the bookstore is either inane or obnoxious. What can I do?
Why, you can grab a tote bag and your kids and GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY, where there are thousands of easy books and readers hand-selected by picky librarians, better children’s nonfiction than you’ll find at any bookstore, and much more.
I’m looking for a positive customer service experience that involves diverse, educated, friendly, informed, thorough, thoughtful, and dedicated staff.
You’ll find such a thing if you GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
- Submitted by Ryan G, a former library worker
I’m really getting into researching my family history, but it’s sometimes hard to find records, and so many websites cost money just to search and you don’t know if the result you get is your ancestor until you pay. I wish there was a place where I could learn about the types of records that are available and have access to some records.
There are books, magazines and databases that will help you start your family tree, locate records, organize your research and more, and all you need to do is GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
-Submitted by Zaelia (Library Technician)
I want to apply for jobs but I don’t know any good sites and the newspapers are only hiring strippers and call girls and those professions are against my delicate nature.
A librarian can help you find good job sites that don’t require you to get naked on the first interview if you GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
-Submitted by Jazmin I.
I’m curious about my family history. My parents, Granny and Gramps won’t talk to me anymore because they’re sick of my questions so I’m expanding my search. I know there are bound family histories, obituaries and census data to look through but I don’t know where to start.
Hey! I bet I can get guidance on genealogy research if I GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
I want to start exercising but I don’t even know where to begin. Jog, bicycle, lift weights, what would work for me?
You can learn about all sorts of exercise routines and their benefits if you’d just GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
-Submitted by Daniel S.
I just went to the doctor and he said I have Psoriasis. It sounds like I have a fish disease? I wish I had more time to ask the physician questions so I could learn about this fishy disease?
Well you can find knowledgeable people who can direct you to awesome quality consumer medical websites and books (that will tell you about this skin disease) that won’t try to sell you penis enhancing drugs for your medical condition if you Go The Fuck To The Library!!!
This Wired™ article had a science article linked, and I want to read it but the publisher’s site says I need a subscription. Single view is $50! How can I read this?
School attendance is almost never required for entry or reading articles online/in the stacks, just checking them out, so GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY!
-Submitted by Nb41
Is there a place I can go to read Infinite Jest without being hounded incessantly by people that want me to buy gluten-free scones, skinny half-caff venti mochas or fair-trade coffees?
You won’t be hassled by anyone if you just GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
- Submitted by mykill (who moved two blocks from a SFPL branch on purpose)
I’m the mother of a toddler, and all of these excursions to Chuck E. Cheese™ are getting expensive. If only there were some way to entertain my child for a few hours while I got some work done.
You and your child can participate in “storytime” if you would both just GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
- Submitted by Kirby M.
I’m hosting the family reunion. My sister-in-law eats only vegan gluten-free foods, and my uncle is strictly low-carb. How can I figure out how to feed everyone?
You can spend hours trying to find what you’re looking for on the web, or, there are cookbooks for every kind of diet available for checkout if you’d GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
- Submitted by Naomi Y.
I sure wish I didn’t have to buy all these books on Amazon™. They’re really expensive and all I make are the tips from my job as a barista at Starbucks™. What should I do?
Some people suggest that you should GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
Posted on Freecycle. “I loved the Twilight movies and now want to read all the books. Will someone lend me them? I’ll return them to you when done.”
Erm…if you want to borrow the books to read and then return them you’d be in luck if a place existed specializing in the lending of books. Wouldn’t it be great if such a place existed? And if they let you borrow other things too. Magazines. Movies. Video Games. Music. If only a place like that could be found…..Oh wait. THERE IS! GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY!
My teacher asked me to do some volunteering with the homeless of our community and write a report about my experiences, but I Googled for a “homeless guy message board”, and there wasn’t a single one! How am I supposed to locate a homeless guy to talk with?
You will find droves of articulate and interested homeless who hold themselves to a presentable level of personal hygiene if you simply GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
-Submitted by Eric G.
Now that Lost is over, I’m still trying to figure out what that show was actually about. I don’t want to buy all the seasons on DVD. If only there were a place I could borrow the DVDs so I can finally speak intelligently about that damn ending!
You must be living on an island if you don’t know that the library has TV series on DVD that you can borrow for free, so GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY, Jack!
Oh no, my internet is out because I didn’t pay the bill or my neighbors moved, and I was stealing their unsecured internet. How am I supposed to update my status on Facebook™ now?
One idea would be to GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
My new activist/support/other group is really growing but we can’t afford to rent a room and Starbucks™ is too small and crowded.
You can reserve meeting space if you would just GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
-Submitted by Le Anne
I want to learn another language, but I can’t afford that fancy software, and I don’t know where to get books or magazines that aren’t in English.
You can find software, magazines, and books in many languages, all for free, if only you’d GO THE FUCK TO THE LIBRARY.
- Submitted by Kathy D, library advocate.